Friday, 20 January 2017

Forget meitu, the GolGove app is where it's at!


There's something happening today but the real news this week is Meitu, the crazy app that makes you look super cute and a bit simple and is yet another step on the path to Chinese hegemony 

Unfortunately, my phone is too old and full to upload it so I tried making one myself  That's it above. 
It turned out to be even better than Meitu, Basically I invented a Michael Gove/Gollum app.



If millions of people do Meitu which just makes you look simple and cute, how many more are going to do The GolGove App (I've got a name for it) which makes you look like Gollum or Gove, Everyone knows the cave dwelling Gollum, but the annoying and irrelevant Gove - he's somebody only people in the UK know at the moment, but once my app gets going that will all change. An annoying and irrelevant cave dweller. Who doesn't want to look like that.

It's one that is bound to sell! And Investment opportunities (Euros, Canadian Dollars or Swiss francs please, no pounds or US dollars) are available. Please form an orderly queue.


Thursday, 19 January 2017

Ein Buchrezension uber Goodbye America von Brad Feurhelm


Alles die bilder sind von Brad Feurhelm und Goodbye America

Heute ich schreibe in Deutsch für (ich habe das Umlaut gefunden!) ein Buchrezension uber Goodbye America von Brad Feurhelm.

Goodbye America hast ein glänzende Abdeckung. Drinne das Buch, es gibt viele Fotos gefunden oder gekaufen von Flohmarkt in England oder Amerika oder eine andere Land.



Diese bilder zeigt die Volk von Amerika wenn sie spielen. Aber es gibt bilder von Television. Sie sehen aus wie Screengrabben! Hier in diese bilder ist das mythologie von das Amerikanishe Welt; ein welt mit Seks und Reichtum und Vergnügen.



Aber diesen Welt ist eine Mythologie! Es ist nicht die Wirklichkeit. Es ist ein Lüge! Für Feurhelm, Amerika ist ein Korruptische Land. Es ist ein Land. Aus diesen grund, die Bilder sind verbrannt und zerkratzt. Dafur Amerika hast bekommt wirklich ein Hölle! Und es gibt auch eine Referenz zu die grosse Fotografien von Amerika wie Robert Frank.

Auf Wiedersehen Amerika. Und auf wiedersehen England auch. Die beide sind scheisse und Deutschland und China sind die Zentren der Welt!

Du kannst den buch gekaufen hier. 

Unschuldigung fur meine Deutsch. Es ist sehr schwehr und es gibt sehr viel langer worter!


Neue Wörter

Glänzende Abdeckung = glossy cover

Vergnügen = pleasure

Lüge = lie

Auf der Rückseite des Buches = At the back of the book

verbrannt und zerkratzt = burnt and scratched

Hölle = hell

Google Translate Version in English

Today I write in English for (I found the umlaut!) A book review about Goodbye America by Brad Feurhelm.

Goodbye America have a shiny cover. Inside the book, there are many photos found or bought from Flohmarkt in England or America or another country.

These pictures show the people of America when they play. But there are pictures of Television. They look like screen bugs! Here in this picture is the mythology of the American world; A world with seks and wealth and pleasure.

But this world is a mythology! It is not the reality. It's a lie! For Feurhelm, America is a corrupt country. It is a country. For this reason, the pictures are burnt and scratched. For America you got really a hell! And there is also one.

Goodbye America. And goodbye to England as well. Dieting are the centers the world!

You can buy the book here.


Innocence for my German. It is very harsh and there are much longer words!

Monday, 16 January 2017

Make America Kittens Again




Mio Dio! è troppo brutto!

Dove sono gli gattini carini e dolci.

Grazie, Make America Kittens Again. Tutti le fotografie del Donald Trump cambiano in fotografie del gattini. Bellisimo.


E in Inglese

My God! it is too bad!

Where are dear and sweet kittens.

Thanks, Make America Kittens Again. All photographs of Donald Trump change of kittens pictures. Bellisimo.



(Other) Adventures of Pinnochio: Il Mio Primero Recesione del Libro in Italiano:


Tutti le fotografie sono del Pinnochio (grazie Tipi. Li ho rubato)

Faccio come voglio con il mio Blog. E por quest'anno voglio imparare le lingue straniere per mi; Italiano, tedesco, francesce e spagnolo. Forse...?

Ma non ho il tempo per scrivere il mio blog e imparare le lingue straniere. Pero la soluzione è facile; io scrivo il blog in le lingue straniere. Io scrivo particolarmente le recensione di libri perche c'e molto difficile per scrivere in Inglese e ci vuole molti tempo.

Da ora in poi, le recensione sono un pocco corte, pero io impararo un pocco Italiano (o francese, o tedesco). Allora,una dia, io non sono il inglese stupido chi posso parlare inglese solamente. Forse, Inglaterra e la nazione del brexit, pero io voglio essere un po più europeo.Allora, il mio primero recensione in Italiano è (other) Adventures of  Pinnochio da Lorenzo Triccoli.



Il libro è la historia del Italia nel ventisimo secolo. Ci sono le fotografie che Tricoli ha trovuto sul Internet, Ci sono i capzioni e ci sono una granda storia sul retro del libro con un indice. è molto chiaro e ho imparato molto su la storia della Italia. Più importante sono le parole del Carlo Collodi, l'autore della historia del Pinnochio. Allora, il libro è satirico e politico.

Vediamo le historie del mafia, del disastre chemica Seveso, i scandali del Vatican e molti di piu.
Allora, ci è un libro historico e per mi è molti interessante. E con le parole di Tricoli, faccia una granda panorama della Italia oggi. E le parole sono interesante, non sono noioso. Leggo tutti le parole rapidamente!

La storia è chiaro e facile di capire, e le strate del fotografie e parole unianno insieme.

Per finire, questo libro di Lorenzo Tricoli è molto buono!

Puoi comprarlo qui

Scusa per il mio Italiano. è molti difficile! Che porco!




Le parole nove

Forse = perhaps

Da ora in poi = from now on

le recensione di libri = book reviews

 ci vuole molti tempo = it takes a lot of time

un po più europeo = a little more european

nel ventisimo secolo = in the twentieth century

sul retro del libro = at the back of the book

noioso = boring


Google Translate verzione in inglese

I do as I wish with my Blog. And por year I want to learn foreign languages ​​to me; Italian, German, and Spanish francesce. Maybe...?

But I do not have time to write my blog and learn foreign languages. But the solution is easy; I write the blog in foreign languages. I write particularly the review of books because there is very difficult to write in English, and it takes a lot of time.

From now on, the review are a short light steamed, but I impararo a Pocci Italian (or French, or German). Then, give a, I'm not the stupid English who I can speak English only. Perhaps, England and the nation of brexit, but I want to be a little more europeo.Allora, my primero review is Italian (other) Adventures of Pinnochio by Lorenzo Triccoli.

The book is the historia of Italy in ventisimo century. There are photographs that Tricoli has trovuto on the Internet, There are capzioni and there are a granda story on the back of the book with an index. It is very clear and I learned a lot about the history of Italy. More important are the words of Carlo Collodi, the author of the historia of Pinnochio. So, the book is satirical and political.

We see the histories of the Mafia, the disastre chemica Seveso, the scandals of the Vatican and many more.
Then, there is a book historico and for me many interesting. And in the words of Tricoli, granda face a panorama of Italy today. And the words are interesting, they are not boring. I read all the words quickly!


The story is clear and easy to understand, and strate unianno of photographs and words together.

Finally, this book by Lorenzo Tricoli is very good!

You can buy it here

Sorry for my Italian. it is a lot harder! What a pig!


Tuesday, 10 January 2017

Happy New Year: The Face of 2017




I watched Strictly Ballroom over the New Year and saw Barry Fife, the corrupt dancing judge (who incidentally didn't get elected to Queensland's federal government. Queenslanders aren't as dumb as some we could mention).



And I thought "there it is. That's the face of 2017. Crass, venal and corrupt. The face of life-denying tradition."

But it's not Fife  who triumphs in the film. It's Fran and Scott and everyone else. And they're not crass, corrupt or venal. They affirm life. They go with love. They try new steps.

So it's love that's won. And old hate's down for the count.

So they're my faces of 2017. Rather than continuing with the traditional British discourse of, er, progress; an endless litany of self-obsessed finger pointing, hectoring, mean-minded narcissism, droning monologues, myopic hobbyism and downright misery, let's go for an affirmation of life, Fran and Scott. Faces of love, doing something new, facing up to the enemy and carrying on regardless. In an entertaining way, that takes the people with them.

Let them be a lesson to us all

Happy New Year.

O Buon Anno! Si, e vero. l'italiano è in arrivo. Inizio la prossima settimana.


Thursday, 5 January 2017

Why Photography is Better than Painting


A Painting of 3 Farmers = Far inferior to the photograph

Painting is an incredible invention. Combining the technology of animal hair with the science of paper and the ingenuity of pigments and all kinds of chemicals, painting provides an insight into the minds of artists from time immemorial.

But let's be clear on one thing. Though paintings can be great, they can also be monumentally stupid when they are framed and put on show as though the self-indulgent and loose-leafed mimicry of the artist is something we should treasure and value.

Why show paintings on the wall when they belong on the easel or in the studio where they belong. Why divorce them from the sense of place from which they came, a sense of place which combines with that sense of being and self which created them. Paintings have a place and that is where they belong.

I know this isn't a popular thing to say, and it is with great trepidation that I say it. The public do like their paintings so and can often be seen to be enjoying them. Above is a painting that I recently saw on show. I walked around the exhibtion and the audience were enthralled by it, taking in the colours and the tones and the shapes for a long, long time. This was something I simply couldn't do.

A Photograph of 3 Farmers = Far Superior to the Painting

But when I look at this painting and see it framed on the wall, I can't help but compare it to the great photographs of our time, photographs it tries but fails miserably to emulate. Where is that sensitivity of character compared to the August Sander photograph it so shamelessly attempts to copy. What depth of sorrow and loss has been lost in these few daubs of paint that the Sander captures so brilliantly through his use of photographic optics with photographic paintings? Throughout history, painters have attempted to emulate this mastery of the photographic art by using the tools of photography but to what end. The efforts of Canaletto, Vermeer, Velazquez, Da Vinci, Degas, Hockney are pitiful in comparison.



A Famous Work of Art by Velazquez

Similarly, the embarrassing daubs of paint on canvas are just blotches compared to the timeworn expression caught in Lewis Hine's photograph, made properly using a camera, film, chemicals and paper. These images have depth and soul, they have performance, participation, deceit and determination at their heart, a social complexity that goes beyond the surface smudges of these sad simulacra of creative experience that these paintings represent. These are photographs that changed the world, that made it a better place. What painting can claim that?


Painting = Shite



Photograph = Great!





It is therefore absurd to pretend that painting can in any way, shape or form can be comparable to the miracles of light and lens that have produced the great photographs of our time. And if you disagree, why not try this experiment. Look at the door on your fridge, the walls of your house and see if any of the paintings on display there have the energy, vitality or grace of the photographs on show at any number of famous galleries around the world.


Acknowledgements are due to Mr J.Jones for the inspiration.


Happy New Year from Jonathan Jones.

'Kate Middleton is rightly honoured for her photographs – they are full of love'

Every year, Jonathan Jones of the Guardian clickbaits us all into place with his insightful thoughts on art. Here he is musing on photography. I'll leave the extracts to suffice. 


 'I would much rather look at these honest documents of familial love than Mario Testino’s fake flattery of royal glamour.'

'If you want to take a great photograph you need to discover something unique.'

'Kim Kardashian looks at what she loves, too, and so does Sebastião Salgado. If you want to take worthwhile pictures, concentrate on what really matters to you, be it your bum or the lost peoples of the Amazon. It is the scene that is wondrous, not the snapping of the shutter.'

Flat, soulless and stupid: why photographs don’t work in art galleries


'It just looks stupid when a photograph is framed or backlit and displayed vertically in an exhibition, in the way paintings have traditionally been shown.'

'It’s amazing how long some people can look at a photograph. I observed the observers, rapt before illuminated images that I really can’t look at for more than a few seconds.'

That is because when you put a photograph on the wall I cannot help comparing it with the paintings whose framed grandeur it emulates, and I can’t help finding photography wanting.

'A photograph, however well lit, however cleverly set it up, only has one layer of content. It is all there on the surface. You see it, you’ve got it.'

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